


hold on, i still need you

by wastelandbb



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Protective Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29285874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wastelandbb/pseuds/wastelandbb
Summary: "I pull you in to feel your heartbeat, Can you hear me screaming "Please don't leave me!" Hold on, I still want you, Come back, I still need you, Let me take your hand, I'll make it right, I swear to love you all my life, Hold on, I still need you."
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 219





	hold on, i still need you

**Author's Note:**

> Minor spoilers for Season 4 but not really, just a line from one of the promos, this was originally supposed to just be a short little prompt but it kind of got away from me. not beta'd so all mistakes are mine.
> 
> Title and lyrics used throughout are from the song Hold On by Chord Overstreet.

_{I can't imagine a world with you gone. The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of, I'd be so lost if you left me alone...}_

It happens in an instant, one minute he can feel Buck’s warm presence behind him, the next it’s gone. 

When Eddie turns around and sees Buck running back into the building he gets two steps forward to try and stop him before concrete comes raining down and he stumbles back as he loses sight of Buck watching in horror as the building crumbles in front of his eyes.

“Buck!” He calls out, smokey haze still thick in the air.

He waits for a beat, two, three and when he gets no response his heart drops. 

“Buck!!” He moves forward before a hand on his shoulder stops him in his tracks.

“Eddie.” It’s Bobby, Bobby who’s calm and collected, all things Eddie isn’t feeling at all right now pulling him back. 

“He’s trapped Cap we have to get him out.”

“We will but we can’t go in right now, it's too dangerous, the building isn’t stable at all we have no idea what we’d be walking into.”

“So what, we just leave him in there?”

“No Eddie that’s not what I’m saying.” Bobby tries to reason with him.

“Cap I have to go in.” Eddie faces him for the first time.

“And do what?” Bobby asks, meeting Eddie's eyes. “Get stuck in there with him?”

“I don’t know but I have to do _something_.” Eddie snaps before sighing and fixing Bobby with as much of an apologetic look as he can muster right now. “Cap it’s _Buck_.”

“I know.” Bobby squeezes his shoulder once in reassurance. “I know, but we need to come up with a plan, going in there right now is only going to do Buck more harm than good.” 

It’s like a switch flicks then, in a heartbeat Eddie reels his emotions in, that’s his military training, a steely expression prominent when he looks Bobby in the eye. “What do we need to do.” 

The thing is, Eddie’s good at his job, he has to be when people's lives are in his hands, but the startling efficiency he works with once Cap tells them the plan isn’t lost on the rest of the team, each of them eyeing him wearily when he nearly bites the head off of one of first responders.

“Eddie.” Hen approaches him cautiously. “You know we’re gonna get him out right, he’s gonna be fine.”

“You can’t know that.” 

"Eddie-"

"You can't." He repeats barely able to hide the crack in his voice.

“You're right.” She agrees, crossing her arms. “But I do know that none of us are gonna give up on him, that we’re all gonna do whatever it takes to get him out of there.”

“But that’s not what’s got you like this is it.” She observes.

“Like what.” Eddie tries to play dumb, tries being the operative word, Hen was always the smartest out of all of them.

“You think we didn’t see you almost bite that poor medics head off.” She snorts.

“I didn’t mean to, I just.” He sighs before continuing. “He’s trapped in there Hen, he’s probably hurt and alone and I-I’m supposed to have his back, I should've been there for him.”

“Eddie you were there.”

“Yeah well what good that's done him right.” He scoffed. 

“Eddie there’s no way you could have stopped a building from collapsing.”

“No but I could have kept a better eye on him I mean he was right behind me, I should have known he’d do something stupid like that.”

“Ok out of the all crazy you’re speaking right now that's gotta top it, don’t think for a second that you or I or cap or _anyone_ is gonna stop Buck from being an idiot, a selfless heroic idiot, but an idiot nonetheless.” She smiles triumphantly when that manages a small smile out of Eddie.

“I can’t lose him Hen.” He whispers and she doesn’t miss the stray tear that escapes before its furiously wiped at Eddie returning to the task at hand refusing to meet her gaze. “I won’t.” 

“Then _don’t_.” She says just as firmly, handing him the radio. “Let’s get to work and get your boy out of there.”

_{Can you hear me screaming "Please don't leave me!"}_

“Buck?” Eddie calls over the radio. “Buck can you hear me.”

Nothing but static on the other end and Eddie never was a religious man but he finds himself praying in that moment, praying that wherever Buck is his radio is working and he can hear him.

“Buck? It’s Eddie, can you hear me?” He tries again.

More static before Buck’s voice crackles through and Eddie swears he feels himself sway with the relief that rolls through him. “Ed’s?” 

“Yeah, hey it’s me.” Eddie responds. “What's your status?”

“I got the last victim but I’m trapped.” Buck coughs.

“Trapped where? Are you okay?”

“I’ve been better.” He chuckles before going into a coughing fit.

“Easy buddy try to preserve your oxygen okay.” Eddie reminds him.

“It doesn’t look too good Eds.” He groans. 

“Why what’s wrong?” The relief Eddie had felt a moment ago dissipates instantly the pit in his stomach growing with every laboured breath Buck takes in. “What’s it look like in there, can you find a way out?”

The urgent tone in his voice is clear as day when Buck doesn’t respond. “Buck what is it?”

“A piece of concrete.” Buck manages to get out. “It’s got me pinned, I-I can’t move Eddie.”

The fear he can hear in Buck’s voice is enough for Eddie’s vision to go blurry but he needs to focus, _Buck_ needs him to focus.

“Concrete? How big is it? What part of you is pinned?”

“It’s on my chest.” Another groan and cough. “Making it hard to breathe.” 

“We’re gonna get you out of there Buck okay? Hang tight.” That’s Bobby as he, Hen and Chim get ready to go in.

“The team’s coming to get you buddy, just hold on.” Eddie breathes. "Try not to move too much or exert too much energy." 

“Don’t really have much of a choice here.” Buck laughs.

“How’s the victim?” Eddie asks, trying to get Buck’s mind off his current position, keep him talking. 

“He’s okay, unconscious but breathing.” Buck replies.

“That’s good.” Eddie says absently. “How are you.”

“Well besides the giant slab of concrete crushing me I’m just peachy.”

“I’m Sorry.” Eddie whispers.

“Don’t be, I’m sorry for snapping at you, I know you’re just trying to keep me talking.”

“No I mean I’m sorry that you’re down there in the first place.” Eddie says taking a deep breath before continuing. “I’m sorry I didn’t have your back.”

“Really Diaz.” Buck replies and Eddie tries to ignore how much Buck’s voice has thinned out. “Blaming yourself for something that’s not your fault? You’re starting to sound like me.”

“I’m serious Buck I should've-”

“Eddie please stop.” Buck cuts in voice barely above a whisper now. “If this is the last time we talk to each other I don’t want it to be about this.”

Eddie feels his heart drop into the pit of his stomach at the words.

_{I can't imagine a world with you gone}_

“Hey you can’t think like that.” Eddie says firmly closing his eyes at the mere thought. “The team is coming in to get you right now you’re gonna be back up here in no time alright you’re gonna be fine.”

“Listen if this is the last time-”

This time it’s Eddie cutting him off. “Buck don’t talk like that you’re gonna be fine.”

“Humour me.” Buck wheezes and Eddie’s heart clenches because he can hear how much pain Buck is in with every breath he’s taking.

There’s almost a thousand other things he’d rather do before even thinking about saying goodbye to Buck but then again this _is_ Buck, this is Buck asking and he’s never been one to deny Buck anything. 

“Ed’s?” Buck asks when he’s met with silence.

Eddie presses his head into his hands bringing the radio to his lips willing his voice not to crack. “I’m here.” 

“This isn’t how I wanted to do this.” Buck starts his voice still low but wet with emotion now. “I was building myself up to this big confession you know.”

“Buck.” Eddie whispers. “Please-”

“Let me finish.” Buck breaks out into another fit of coughs then and it’s all Eddie can do to keep his emotions at bay. “I imagined this going a lot differently, for starters I imagined a lot less concrete and rubble would be separating us.”

Eddie lets out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a choked off sob waiting with bated breath as Buck continues.

“Eddie I love you.” Buck’s voice finally crackles through and it’s like Eddie's entire world shifts on its axis. “I-I’m in love with you, god you have no idea how good it feels to finally say that out loud. You know the more I think about it the funnier it is that I was scared to tell you, living the lives we do, doing the job we do, I was afraid that you wouldn't feel the same, that you’d leave me behind.”

“Buck how could you ever think that-”

“How could I not?” Buck cuts in at that. “I’ve spent my whole life being left behind how could I assume this would be any different.”

“Because I would never do that to you Buck, _ever_.” Eddie says with as much conviction as he can muster, he needs Buck to know how true those words are. 

“I know Eds I know. That’s why it’s funny to me now.” His laughing sends him into another fit of coughs and Eddie desperately wants to tell him to save his breath but he knows it would be pointless. "Our whole lives are based on taking risks and jumping head first into uncertain situations and I was so afraid to do just that when it came to telling you how I feel that I.."

“Buck please-” 

"I waited till it was too late.” Eddie definitely doesn't miss the way Buck's voice trails off at the end of that.

"Buck?"

Eddie's heart stops when he gets no response back.

"Buck can you hear me?" Nothing.

“Buck? Buck are you there?” More silence.

“Buck stay with me please.” He chokes out his pulse quickening every moment that he can't hear him. “Evan please I’m begging you, _hold on,_ we need you up here do you hear me? We need you up here safe and sound, the team needs you, Maddie needs you, Chris needs you and me man.I _need_ you, God I don’t even wanna think about what I’d do without you. You and Chris, you're everything to me, you're my world, my _home_ , So you’ve gotta fight Buck, fight to hold on, to come back to your family, to come back to _me_.”

_{Hold on, I still want you, Come back, I still need you}_

When he’s just about given up and dread has washed over him the radio crackles and his head shoots up as he holds it close waiting.

“Eddie, it’s Bobby, We’ve got him.” Bobby’s voice comes through and Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever been more relieved to hear it.

“Cap is he-.”

“Unconscious but alive, him and the victim, we’re coming out, make sure medics and ambos are ready and on standby as soon as we come out.”

Eddie moves on autopilot to deliver the news and make sure the ambos are ready for transport. After what feels like a lifetime he sees them wheeling Buck out, he all but sprints to them rushing to Buck’s side immediately.

Eddie trusts his team more than anyone, knows that if they’ve said Buck is ok that he must be but he needs to see for himself, to _feel_ for himself and take comfort in the slow but steady beat as he checks Buck’s pulse.

_{I pull you in to feel your heartbeat}_

“He’s gonna be fine Eddie. He’s a fighter.” Eddie faintly registers Chim’s voice but all his focus is on Buck right now, Buck who’s _alive_ and right in front of him.

“Ed’s.” Buck croaks struggling to squint his eyes open.

“I’m here, I’m here, I've got you.” Eddie responds, holding Bucks hand tightly in his, like he’ll slip away if he doesn’t. 

“I did it.” Buck smiles faintly before continuing when he sees Eddie tilt his head. “I held on, I fought, like you told me to. I fought to come home to you.”

“You heard me?” Eddie chokes out, blinking away the tears that are prickling his eyes.

“Course I did.” Buck all but scoffs. “You told me to hold on so I did. For you and for Chris.”

Eddie brings his head down to Buck’s breathing him in, he smells of smoke and dirt but he couldn’t care less as he whispers. “I love you.” 

“Yeah?” Buck whispers that stupid beautiful grin of his as Eddie gently pushes his hair out of his face.

 _Yeah_ , like it's just that simple.

Maybe it is.

“Yeah.” Eddie whispers back with the first real laugh he’s let out in the last several hours and a dopey grin that probably mirrors Bucks, and he couldn't be happier.

_{Let me take your hand, I'll make it right. I swear to love you all my life}_


End file.
